Hey Moms and Dads: Is your bed getting a little crowded at night?

Time to fess up. Where does your young one sleep?

• In his or her own bed?
• in your bed?
• on the floor by your bed?
• or (does this sound familiar) do they start out in their beds but somehow end up in yours?

Don’t be embarrassed. It’s okay to admit to it. There’s even a term for it:
co-sleeping. If you do share your bed with your child, you are not alone. Some studies suggest 30-40 percent of parents sleep with a child in a family bed.

That leaves the rest of us shaking our heads at the notion. So, which side of the bed do the experts take on this parental debate—is it ok for kids to sleep in their parents’ bed?

“Parents can sleep with their child guilt-free,” says Dr. Lynnette J. Mazur, professor of pediatrics at The University of Texas Medical School at Houston. “A family sleeping arrangement does not mean the child will be less independent or less adjusted. What is important is that every sleep environment be safe; that both parents agree to the bed-sharing and you discuss the issue with your pediatrician.”

It’s fairly common for a parent to bring a sick child into their bed or when their spouse is out of town. “There are parents who bring babies into their bed at 5 a.m. out of sheer exhaustion or to make breastfeeding easier,” she adds.

“Kids are unique and what works for one family, may not work for another,” Mazur explains. “It’s important to know that you are not a bad parent either way, because the answer to this issue is not written in stone.”

Risk to Little Ones: Entrapment

She adds that parents need to be aware of bed sharing risks with younger kids. The Consumer Product Safety Commission reported over 500 deaths associated with bed sharing in children up to 2 years of age between 1990 and 1997. The younger the baby, the greater the danger. All the deaths from “overlying” and almost 90 percent of deaths from entrapment were in children less than 12 months old.

Guidelines from the American Academy of Pediatrics urge parents, when bringing a child into their bed, to avoid loose bedding or other soft material around the baby and eliminate entrapment possibilities between the bed and the wall or the mattress and bed frame.

Is A “Family Bed” for You?

Dr. Mazur explains that the United States is one of the few countries where kids are expected to sleep alone. However, there are many different nighttime parenting styles and it’s best for parents to find the balance that is right for them.

“If a family bed bothers one or both of the parents,” she cautions, “then co-sleeping with a child is a problem. Each family member needs a good night’s sleep so find what sleep arrangement works best for all of you.”

Also, double-check your own motives for allowing the whole family to pile under the blankets. Does your child need or want to sleep with the two of you, or is your child possibly serving as a buffer against physical or simple emotional intimacy between the two of you? Make sure that both of you agree on having a nightly visitor. And if this does interrupt parental snuggling, says Mazur, remember that intimacy between parents can occur at other times, in other places.

Remember, too, that sleep, itself, is a dwindling resource in today’s fast-paced world. How well parents and children sleep affects the entire household. It’s no surprise that when parents and kids are tired and cranky, they do not enjoy each other.

Bedtime Tips

Mazur offers suggestions to help a child feel secure and to enhance a positive bedtime experience:

• Let your child choose his or her own pajamas.
• Leave the bedroom door open.
• Bedtime rituals, such as a quiet story time while snuggling in bed, are comforting.
• A favorite stuffed animal or ‘blankie’ may be a good companion.
• If your child procrastinates about bedtime, set an alarm or timer for how many minutes remain before bed.
• Scary movies before bed are a no-no. But if there are fears of the Boogey Man, get a flashlight so your child can look under the bed.
• A bedtime “pass” may be an option. A 5x7-inch index card with the child’s name could be used for a short visit over an agreed-upon time period.

“Positive and safe sleep habits are good no matter in which bed your child sleeps,” she adds. “It is important to set boundaries and enjoy a consistent routine. The avoidance tactics and pleas for ‘five more minutes’ or another drink of water must be controlled.”

Children wean naturally from a parent’s bed, concludes Mazur, and “the successful transition to a bed can be a moment of pride for the child.”

One last tip for parents: Get your sleep now. You’ll lose plenty when your toddler becomes a teen with a driver’s license.

Last Updated: 10-06-2003

 

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