“Bah, Humbug, another party?” or “Happy Holidays, another party!”

Your choice of greeting you exclaim during the holidays may have more to do with your genetic make-up than your mood. For introverts living in an extroverted culture, the holidays and all they entail can be fingernails on a chalkboard. For all those who are introverted, all that holiday socializing seems to be an enormous waste of time and energy. Rather than being out there mingling at parties, introverts would rather be snuggled up reading a nice, fat book. 

Extroversion and introversion are terms used to gauge social styles. Extroverts are more comfortable interacting in groups and are more energized by being with others than by being alone. Introverts, on the other hand, are more at home with their own company than in throngs of interacting people. They are stimulated by private activities like reading, listening to music, or working on a hobby or project. The latter have to be dragged to parties, and the blizzard of festivities around Christmas and New Year’s ranks right up there with colonoscopies and root canals.

Dr. Marti Olsen Laney, the introverted wife of 38 years to an extroverted husband and author of The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World, prefers quiet conversation while her husband seeks the stimulation of others.  Sound familiar?

Why do extroverts end up marrying introverts? Psychologist Carl Jung, the creator of the personality descriptions of introversion-extroversion, says the individual seeks wholeness. The outgoing type seeks balance by marrying the more inward individual and vice-versa. Extroverts are easy to understand. They are as inscrutable as puppy dogs and thrive on interaction with other people. They also make up most of us. 

Hiders and seekers

Three-fourths of all people are extroverts. And, unless they have mastered compassionate acceptance of all sentient beings, they think introverts are plain odd. Extroverts have little understanding of introverts. They assume the company, especially their own, is always welcomed and cannot imagine why someone would need solitude. Understandably, they have many friends and find it easy to strike up a conversation with strangers.  

Not all introverts are as misanthropic as philosopher Sartre, who said, “Hell is other people at breakfast.” Some enjoy breakfast with people who have quiet conversation. They usually have a few long-time friends and are exhausted when engaging with large groups. They need quiet, secluded time to recharge their batteries.

Despite being outnumbered, introverts do have their spokespersons. One is Jonathan Rauch, author of Caring for Your Introvert. He writes: “Introverts may be common but they are among the most misunderstood and aggrieved group in America, possibly the world. I know. My name is Jonathan, and I am an introvert.  I am not morose or misanthropic. Usually I am far from shy. I love long conversation and explore intimate thoughts and passionate interests.  Remember, someone you know, respect and interact with every day is an introvert, and you are probably driving this person nuts.”

Garbo was happy being alone

There are definitely benefits to being an introvert. Introverts do better in college and graduate school. They divorce less and change jobs less than do extroverts. However, a study of 258 college students found that extroverts had higher self-esteem and fewer sleep problems. So there are trade-offs.  Says Laney, in defense of her way of being, “I eat slowly, too. I have learned to be prepared for waiters to try to snatch my plate....I talk more slowly, and my clients are used to waiting for me to finally eke out my words. I may plod along in life, but I get quite a bit done.”

Rauch adds, “...extroverts are over-represented in politics, a profession where only the garrulous are.  Look at George W. Bush. Look at Bill Clinton. They seem to come fully to life around other people....Extroverts therefore dominate public life. If we introverts ran the world, it would no doubt be a calmer, saner, more peaceful sort of place.” It’s not likely they’ll get the chance.

The social gene

The question remains, “How do we get to be an introvert or extrovert?” While nothing is “all in the genes,” there appears to be a genetic factor in our socializing preferences. The “novelty-seeking” or lust for excitement may be linked to a D4DR gene on chromosome 11. Dean Hamer, chief of gene structure and regulation at the National Cancer Institute in Bethesda, Maryland, studied the D4DR gene and found that it affects the neurotransmitter dopamine, which controls excitement levels and is vital for physical activity and motivation. 

Novelty seekers (where’s the bungee-jumping party?) were found to have a long D4DR gene and were less sensitive to dopamine, a chemical mediator for pleasure and emotion in the brain. The “low-novelty seekers” had short D4DR genes that were highly sensitive to dopamine. Because they receive enough dopamine in quiet activities, they don’t need as much “buzz” in their lives. They feel more discomfort than enjoyment from thrill-seeking or risk-taking. Too much dopamine and they feel over-stimulated. 

Chemistry of ‘walls’ and ‘flowers’

The introverted brain has a higher level of internal activity and thinking than the extroverted brain.  It is dominated by the long, slow pathway of another neurotransmitter called acetylcholine. Introverts require a limited range of not too much or too little dopamine, another brain chemical, and a good level of acetylcholine to keep a calm feeling instituted. Acetylcholine serves as a trigger to the brain to conserve energy and stimulates good thinking and feeling.

Laney explains that the extroverted brain just doesn’t have as much internal activity going on. So, it scans the external world for stimulation to fuel the shorter, quicker dopamine pathway. “The signals from the brain travel to the Full-Throttle (sympathetic nervous) system that controls certain body functions and influences how ‘outies’ behave,” she says.

But, an extrovert needs its sidekick, adrenaline, to help cook up more dopamine in the brain, Laney says. Like plants to sunlight, their energy comes from the places they go; the people they see. “Leave an extrovert alone for two minutes and he will be calling someone on his cell phone.” 
             
So, during these merry days, as extroverts chat away, hands and mouths dancing in a choreographed ballet, try to remember the lament of the introverted Rauch, “We can only dream that someday, when our condition is more widely understood, when perhaps an Introverts Rights movement has blossomed and borne fruit, it will not be impolite to say, ‘I’m an introvert. You are a wonderful person and I like you. But now please, shush.” 

Last Updated: 12-19-2007

 

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